Day 28:
Finally getting around to printing some of my Germany photos. I forgot how good it feels to print. I just can’t believe what I’m getting out of these files.

I just want to give them all away as gifts.

Week 5 Goals:

Morning Pages x7
Artist Date x1
Virtue Trap Quiz
Forbidden Joys Exercise
Complete as many additional Exercises as possible.

Day 28 (Continued):
I just finished the readings for this week, and spent some time getting things pre-typed and ready for my answers below. This week is gonna be good…I have a feeling shit is about to get real.

Virtue Trap Quiz:

1. The biggest lack in my life is romance

2. The greatest joy in my life is photography

3. My largest time commitment is working at my day job

4. As I play more, I work about the same

5. I feel guilty that I am

6. I worry that I will never be able to pay back my debts.

7. If my dreams come true, my family will hopefully support me in my decisions

8. I sabotage myself so people will find me useful.

9. If I let myself feel it, I’m angry that I can’t allow myself to just do what I love

10. One reason I get so sad sometimes is I don’t allow myself to do what I want to do because I am afraid of spending the money on “unimportant” things.

Forbidden Joys Exercise

1. Travel More

2. Spend more time with Family without having to drive 4 hours

3. Drive fast

4. Spend money without feeling guilty

5. Buy toys from my childhood

6. Waste time playing video games

7. Spend a bunch of money on tacky Halloween things

8. Go Trick or Treat-ing

9. Spend a ton of money in a real arcade

10. Spend more time at Conventions.

Wish list, an Exercise

1. I wish I had access to a studio space

2. I wish I was out of debt completely

3. I wish I was working for myself

4. I wish I could be happy in my own skin

5. I wish people would take me seriously as an artist

6. I wish I never sold my Mustang after college

7. I wish I had a house I could call mine

8. I wish I didn’t have to worry about money all the time

9. I wish I wasn’t so jealous of my other artist friends

10. I wish more people compensated me for my time and efforts

11. I wish my day job paid me double what I make now

12. I wish I didn’t have to work so hard all the time

13. I wish I didn’t spend a lot of my free time alone

14. I wish I wasn’t tired all the time

15. I wish I could travel when I want without having to worry about costs

16. I wish I had partied more in college

17. I wish I had more close friends

18. I wish I didn’t have to hear about politics all the damn time

19. I most especially wish that I could make a good, honest, living with my art.

https://fstoppers.com/bts/transform-your-living-room-practical-studio-and-making-it-work-50096

If I were twenty and had money…

List 5 Adventures:

1. I would have studied abroad

2. I would have partied more

3. I would have bought equipment outside of my skill range and shot the hell out of it.

4. I wouldn’t have student loans now

5. I probably would be working for myself right now.

Day 31:
The last few days have been a little down. I mean, Tuesday was pretty cool because when all was said and done I got a new flash and some accessories, but today I’ve just felt off.

The Hurricane must be throwing off the pressure in my head.

And it doesn’t really help much that my exercises that I completed today depress the hell out of me.

I feel like I should be in a different place than I am now. Money seems to come up a lot. To be honest I feel like I have some issues surrounding it. Also I know that next week that topic comes up so lets see what next week brings.

But for now, I have some time.

I just need to keep prepping for this weekend’s shoot. I hope I can channel some of this frustration into good art.

Ten ways I am mean to myself are…

1. I dwell on past decisions

2. I let people talk down to me without speaking up for myself

3. I talk down to myself

4. I say mean things to myself in the mirror

5. I push myself too hard when I need to go easy

6. I eat my feelings

7. I question many of my life choices

8. I don’t exercise enough

9. I don’t let things go if I say or do something stupid

10. I think I do a lot of stupid things

Ten items I would like to own but don’t are…

1. An All-Access Creative Live subscription

2. A studio space

3. A new laptop

4. A secondary full frame camera + Lenses

5. A fully restored classic car

6. A house/home/living space

7. More lighting modifiers

8. A cat…or maybe ALL of the cats

9. A nice suit that fits me perfectly

10. An arcade machine

And if by random happenstance you want to buy something for me from my Amazon wish list. I won’t stop you. You can access it here: http://a.co/5DxeOT5

Day 32:
Something is happening.

Check In

How many days this week did you do your morning pages? Are you starting to like them–At all? How was the experience for you? I completed all of my morning pages this week. So far I’m not having too much trouble completing the pages. I’m still not sure its working the way that it should be, I mean I am getting some insight into some of my issues, but I don’t think it’s going as well as it is “supposed” to be going.

On the plus side I feel like I’m handling stressers better, and for the most part I feel better day to day. So that’s a plus side I guess.

Did you do your artist date this week? Have you had the experience of hearing answers during the leisure time? What did you do for your date? How did it feel? Have you taken an artist date yet that really felt adventurous? I guess I did my date? I took a trip to Ikea for batteries. I always like walking around Ikea. I find it both inspiring and incredibly frustrating. I want my crazy awesome living room/office/studio apartment. I really don’t need a large living space. A studio is a different story.

I don’t think I am hearing any answers to any of the questions I’m asking. Which makes me wonder if I’m asking the right ones.

I haven’t really done anything “adventurous” yet. I’m not sure what I could do that makes me feel that way. I’m not even sure if I’m taking the right dates. I tend to just keep doing things that allow me to take a break from the day to day and allow my thoughts to keep moving.

Did you experience any synchronicity this week? What was it? Try inaugurating a conversation on synchronicity with your friends. I was browsing Twitter on Friday night and came across a Tweet from the official TAW page that was on the topic of Week 5…AS I’M IN THE MIDDLE OF WEEK 5! That was pretty neat. I’ll share it below:

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/artistswaycre8/2018/10/12/finding-water-week-5-autonomy

Were there any other issues this week that you consider significant for your recovery? Describe them. By the end of tomorrow when this goes live I can say…I shot something! Last year I missed my Halloween series, so I made sure that this year something got shot. I’m also in the planning phases for something else that hopefully will be super exciting. This will be the first time I’ve used my camera to take a portrait since before DragonCon. And hopefully I can keep making progress to keep making new work between now and the end of the year.